so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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