His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
