ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
