I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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