i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
