So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
