If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
