the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
