Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
