Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
