why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
