I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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