Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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