She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
