you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
