maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
