he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
