porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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