My boss' voice literally gives me gas
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
