mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
