I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
