my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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