I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
