Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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