cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
