he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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