There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
