im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
