Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
