hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
