About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
