First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
