after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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