there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
