is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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