Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
