I just pynch a tree in the face
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
