This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
