Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
