I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
