Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
