you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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