This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
