Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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