this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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