She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
