whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
