this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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