the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
