East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
