I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Randomize
