i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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