Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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